


The Isle of New Memories

by Elfen1012



Series: The New Memories of J.J. Macfield [2]
Category: The Missing: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Camping, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Post-Canon, Romance, Spoilers, Trans Female Character, frank discussions about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:52:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfen1012/pseuds/Elfen1012
Summary: JJ and Emily decide to take their Camping trip after all. Yet even on their own they can't avoid text from Mom and a few bad thoughts. Yet, not a thing could dream to be too much for the two of them together.





	The Isle of New Memories

    Lakeside beaches left gentle ripples instead of foamy waves. Here the sand is more dirt and growth and in a way that's better. JJ liked the grasses, the views of fish, the calmness of a boat rocking and land ever distant in the horizon. No ocean was calm enough to reflect the stars like a lake could.

    The frogs were maybe less ideal than the white noise of Maine's oceans, but even that was overpowered by the crackle of their fire. Dusk just settled and the last red in the sky drained away. Emily was cooking like a power camper with iron pots and real flame, way harder core than JJ would ever be. She liked the sound of Emily humming as she sizzled something, veggies likely in a sauce, maybe noodles? 

    Not meat, Emily would know better. No one better than her.

    JJ enjoyed that sound, she enjoyed camping too, if not as religiously as her girlfriend. She enjoyed the silence. Often everything else felt so loud, choking. All the work, the expectations, just Philip at, like, all. She liked walking the beach and knowing she had just herself, her dearest someone, F.K.s fuzzy form, and so many stars. 

    That and it was kinda nice to not have to wear makeup outside without feeling judged. That was a new and fun problem. A thin wave of dysphoria ran through her before a gust of lakeside wind blew in a bit more of Emily's sweet song chased it away.The rocking rhythm of their boat against lakeside pier they had all to themselves in the somewhat chilly off season helped keep it that way.  Birthday time would have meant less coats, but the privacy was killer, birthday be damned. 

    The buzz of her phone could still disturb however. More so when mother's busy icon made itself known.

_ Jackie, I'm worried about these health effects. Which specific medicine will you be taking?  _

    A repeat. The build up to another lecture about how this next transition step was a bridge too far. The trenches were blown, the ceasefire over. It was real to mom again and oh, did she not love it. 

_ Spironolactone and estradiol, I sent you the research,  _ JJ typed back.  __

_ There is a lot of blood pressure risks, we don't have the best family health and consider your sugar. You couldn't eat as many donuts. _

_ I know, Mom. My doctor's warned me, she agrees this is for the best. It's reversible too.  _

    She never would. Not even for a moment. Half a moment. The thought was impossible and sent JJ up and down the pier in a fury.

_ Not all. Did you read about testicular and penile atrophy?  _

    JJ stuck her feet into the cool waters of the lake before she lit on fucking fire. Her toes danced beneath the dark mirror of the lakes surface the red paint a distinct pattern against the black and blue. 

    JJ could handle this.

_ My doctor informed me. It's something I'm comfortable with. _

    JJ stopped herself from typing ‘All of that will be temporary too’. It was too expensive and early to talk about ditching the whole set for now. Not that Mom would ever accept exactly how much she cared about the family treasures. 

_ Is Emily comfortable with it? _

    A deep intake of air, a zen. 

_ Yes. There are other ways, she knows it's important.  _

    JJ didn't know if hinting at toys was the smart move, but honestly, what a great way to tilt her off subject. Not that it was honest. They didn't have toys and their sex life was…. Yet to be? That would freak mom out more. 

_ Jackie that's not what I mean! What about kids! I don't mean right now. God no, but eventually Emily and you, how are you going to have kids if you can't perform! The meds could really limit your life! _

    "Oh, fucking shove it mom!" JJ yelped loud enough the scream rippled embarrassingly up and down the lake. Before the heat died down her cheeks she continued to text back. 

_ I understand mom. My,  _ she hated putting it this way,  _ condition and well being may proclaude children. I'm sorry.  _

    JJ had changed her mind about make up today. She decided to turn on the lamp flip out a mirror, start on some foundation because she was going to look fucking on point, post some selfies where Mom could see. Revenge.

_ Would you consider a sperm bank? I'll pay for it, just something to give the Macfield's a future. I Know you'll regret not doing it. I know you will.  _

_ There is nothing I regret about being J.J. I wasn't born just to have sex and pass the Macfield name.  _

    That was… JJ hadn't even stopped to think. Emotions bared teeth against her mother in ways she never had before. Something hungry and raw in her was impatient with being a good little boy instead of a wild and free girl. 

    It was having an effect. 

_ I'm not going to pretend I don't want grandchildren someday. Not today of course not, but someday. _

    That was the truth of it, it was always about what she wante-

_ But I know something about being a woman too. Being a mother is amazing. I love you and if we're going to go through with this, I want you to be able to be a mother too.  _

    JJ would have slipped and fell if she wasn't already sitting on the pier. This was incredibly sexist, and the fact that it was an obvious manipulation didn't make it work less. She could have said parent, but she typed and sent Mother. 

    What a clever little...

_ I will think about it.  _

    She watched the dots dance on the screen waiting, waiting, hating already the angry text coming. ‘Jackie you absolutely are young man,’ she could see it like the fog lights of a train. 

    But it stopped and the voice of Emily ended the silence of the little lake isle of new memories. 

    "Miss. Macfield, did you know that while I've poured out and slaved over a hot meal, your daughter so rudely won't stop texting? I know she's dreadful. I knew calling mom on her was the best idea. Yes- A veggie stir fry! Oh yes the site is lovely we- Yes, I packed condoms."

    JJ left her shoes at the pier. The conversation bleed out of the soundscape during the adrenaline pumping yards she bolted. Woe to the poor bush had been crushed under her during the last sprint. 

    "Emily!"

    "See she's already put down her phone, can I talk to you tomorrow Miss Macfield," she wasn't even done cooking, "I'll talk to her about it I promise. Bye~" Emily shut off her phone and kept on stirring the pot like a wee-innocent babe.

    "So are you going to talk to me about it?" JJ  asked plopping herself down by the fire next to Emily. 

    "Not if you don't want to." Emily answered with the clarity of the starry sky. "But you looked like you needed help, and I needed a bit more JJ~"

    How was anyone so sunny, so magnificent. 

    "You don't need me, you're Powergirl." Emily gave a flex to that. "It's not even a bad idea. The bank. I just don't like that it came from her. I don't even know if I want kids and… I hate feeling like breeding stock."

    "You're so much more than that." Emily poured out the pot into the strainer, letting the boiling water trip onto the want, everything was a sink on this island, at least for biodegradable waste. "Not to mention you could adopt JJ. It doesn't need to be your mother's choice. Definitely don't dump your new pills for her."

    "She did not talk to you about-"

    " _ Atrophy _ ? She's a very fast talker." Emily gave a bowl to each of them after dusting them with a spice blend. JJ had tried to tell her she didn't have to go vegetarian for her, but it made sharing meals a little easier without the smell.

    "Ugh, I'm sorry, I mean I know you knew, but from my mother?" Emily laughed while JJ hung her head in shame, tossing a free log into the crackling fire. 

    "Like I said, I'm fine with it. I'm curious about the mouth feel everyone's talking about."

    "Oh my God you're such a perv!" JJ gave her a shove as Emily nearly buckled over laughing. She was a temptress, a temptress!

    "I can't wait for everything that's going to happen, all of our forever." Emily clarified  taking a big bite of her stir fry. 

    "You really mean forever huh?" JJ said with a smile taking a fork full herself. It was… smokey. The sauce was really think maybe even a little dry but so savoury… almost tastes like her last meal before she swore off animals… the holy grail. "This is really good."

    A few more bites of silence and JJ turned to Emily. She could see the anxiety in her eyes. A panic? 

    "I'm sorry JJ… is forever a bad thing to say?" Emily was and is a chronic over thinker. JJ scorned her own lack of consideration. She took another bite for courage and fought pass a blush. 

    "Forever isn't real and I know it's childish," JJ had to admit first and tried to do it quickly before she made either of them cry. "But I feel like I mean it. I feel like I'll… love you forever."

    The love word had been a thing between them long before it meant this. Emily's reply was to rest her head on JJs shoulders and sigh. 

    "Love you too." 

    That was it for a while just a bite or two, slow eating. They watched the fire die down and the stars between the bouts of grey, wispy smoke. 

    Eventually the chill pushed them together. Arm around the others back. A brush of a cheek. Emily cheated and called JJ pretty. A blush to a kiss, a kiss became a gasping twenty more. Hands came to hips and at some point Emily bit JJs neck and pulled on her jeans. There was a stumbling handsy march back to the tent. 

    Emily had a big family which meant big camps and bigger tents with air mattresses and plenty to bounce and prod on. It was a hazy thing for JJ. blurry thoughts and sensations of hands and skin. Emily was naked baring her boyshorts before she realized. JJ didn't even remember taking off Emily’s bra. 

    Everything was perfect. The lips of her kisses on her collar, the warm breaths burning invisible marks, being held down by someone who just loved, loved, and loved…

    And following bliss came the panic. 

    Emily slipped a hand under shirt to open it exposing a flat scared chest. JJ for the first time in months, had when alone with Emily felt like a boy. Suddenly she was nauseated. So aware of the dimensions of her body her form, she could vomit.

    Emily pulled away when she saw the tears. 

    "JJ?! Let me get F.K. oh we left him outside. It's okay JJ, I'll grab him, we’re alright." 

    She misunderstood the episode and that made crying even easier.

    "I'm sorry," JJ felt herself sob, "I'm sorry I look like this..." 

    JJ just reflexively wrapped her arms around her chest to hide… nothingness from herself and Emily whom stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Her eyes went from wide like a panicking rabbit to soft and protective.

    "JJ, no my beautiful girl, no." Emily cupped JJs cheek and gifted her tears as many kisses as needed to wipe them dry.  "I should have asked what not to do. I'm so sorry JJ."

    "No, I am," JJ puffed with a snivel. "I'm a mess. I feel like I'll just ruin everything for you." 

    "What did you mess up?" 

    "This trip, us, you know, everything." 

    "I'm having a wonderful time," Emily explained, relaxing herself into rather normal cuddles taking a gently big spoon position, "You've been so good about my camping pushiness. You even rowed the boat all the way here. You've been so sweet and let me make sex jokes."

    "Oh shut up." That does get JJ to laugh. 

    Emily got up real close, lips ready to whisper to JJ the real and complete truth.

    "I love this girl JJ, I love her body too, and I'm going to so love what she grows into. Just love."

    JJ rolled over to face her girlfriend a confluence of messes. How was she so good at that? JJ released her own chest if only to wrap around Emily and dive into the gentle warmth. “I’m sorry if you’re disappointed. I hope you know it’s not you.”

    “A little, if I’m going to be honest, but I would be okay if we never have sex, is that what you want? I’m more worried than disappointed.”   
    “I thought I might not before we started dating, but I think I just want to as a woman, it's a bit harder as a man.”

    “You can’t have sex as a man, you’re not a man.”   
    “I know, but I don’t always know. Maybe tomorrow, can I keep on my shirt? The burn scar is hard to look at too..” JJ mumbled the last part. It would fade in time, more so than the marks on her arms. But they would fade. It would all fade. “I want to try and um… please you, eventually.”

    Emily gave one darkly childish giggle.

    “Absolutely, I can’t wait to eat you up tomorrow.”

    There was quiet, as they cuddled together on the air mattress of this rather ostentatious castle of tarp. They had cricket chirps, the water’s slow shuffle,  and wind so close. It was a little… lewd and more than a little Romantic. After all, Emily was a romantic, honestly they were both romantics.

    “Emily, I’ve been doing a terrible job. Tomorrow I’m going to take you for a beautiful hike.”

    “You are.”

    “And I’ll make breakfast, so you can rest after, you know.”

    “Oh, I know.” Another giggle.

    “Moonlight dancing too, tomorrow night, all of your dreams I’m going to do everything.”

    “And more, JJ, you’re just like that.”

    “And Emily… I never asked, do you want kids? What do you want in our forever.” 

    JJ would never chose with her mothers interest anymore, she would never be bent for her. That was different than working with Emily. They promised forever, and if they were going to be rash and foolish kids by midnight, they were going to be as foolish in their planning. Partners in everything and this choice, did involve her. 

    “Do you want,” JJ clarified, “Me to save my uh, sperm for us. No judgement.” 

    Emily didn’t poke fun at this kindness, this trust. She took her time. JJ hoped to search her soul, not spare her girlfriends feelings. Emily’s arms drifted back and forth up and down JJ’s back in a rather soothing touch. Eventually a mild sucking sound could be heard as Emily’s lips popped. 

    "I don't know if I’ll ever want kids, maybe never, maybe someday, but being a mother isn't donating sperm or an egg. Anyone can be anyone's mother. If we adopted, we'd still be mom's. I don’t think blood matters much, I guess." Emilys thought out answer drifted into a sigh as her eyes rolled back in separate annoying considerations. “Carrying out child might be nice, but also giving birth sounds so hellish. I really just don’t want to do that right now? It’s magic, sue, but…”

    “There’s been enough blood all over us I think,” JJ laughed permitting Emily to do the same, “Like I told mom, we’re meant to live right? Not just have sex and make more Macfields.”

     Emily nodded as peace returned to them. 

     "Plus, if we have kids, they're going to be Thompson-Macfields, not Macfields."

     "Why Thompson first?" JJ questioned with a comically hitched tone.

     "Because between the two of us, I'm clearly the big strong man in this relationship," that earned a playful elbow under the sheets as Emily loosed a mighty laugh.

     "Take that straight garbage out of this tent," JJ kept pushing her and Emily only laughed harder wrapping her arms twice as tight this time, “you’re seriously, just terrible!”

     No one there to hear on the much smaller isle of memories, the sounds of playful pushes and shoves. There was no one to walk the beach of this wood and starlight beach to know how it devolved into kisses, audible from water. Not a soul could be bothered to notice, that for the first time in months JJ slept well even with F.K. left sitting alone by the dead fire, seemingly pleased. 

     Not a soul, but JJ and Emily, not one on this much quieter safer island, would hear JJ profess her new promise. Forever twice over. 

**Author's Note:**

> I love them… so much. I wanted to do them camping and this came out wildly different than I imagined! I’ve been trying just let what words come out come out and not be harsh with myself so I hope people enjoy it. I’ve really hammered on a couple of ideas I think are present in JJs texts, her seeming unwillingness to include herself as an object of romantic and sexual affection meanwhile Emily being one Thirsty Ass Lesbian. 
> 
> Also wanted to get into some of JJs insecurities about her role in her family and ultimately get into her choice to abandon that role after making a personal choice with Emily. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed me just blathering about them again. And I have at least one more fic in me I think. I’ve been writing constantly about what Emily provides for JJ and her growth, and I think I want to get into an idea of what JJ might bring to Emily's life. Love is a two way street of support. I wanna get into that. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I won't be posting anything next week cause I’ll be In London next week on vacation! Beyond that, trying to be gentle with myself and set no dates.


End file.
